In the past month I had been asked to give two presentations on the subject "working with difficult people." As I started to research the subject, I quickly discovered that this topic has received a lot of attention. I had a good friend who was also a facilitator who used to say, "If you have a conflict with someone, take them out for a cup of coffee and talk to them." Over my lifetime, I have observed that communication is the root cause of all conflict; either you did not receive the communication, or you received it, but misunderstood the message. The lack of communication causes problems!
Everyone does something that irks other people. Clearly, many people must deal with some basic forms of difficult behavior every day. When dealing with difficult people, it comes down to 4 simple choices. 1. You can stay and do nothing. I would never recommend "making the best of it" mentality. Staying in a negative environment can cause emotional and even physical problems. It also makes going to work a drag. Did you ever have that stomach churning Sunday night before going back to work? 2. Vote with your feet. You can leave. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "you're nobody's victim without your permission." 3. Change your attitude about your coworker. You can learn to see them differently, listen to them differently and feel differently around them. YOU can change your attitude to set you free from your reaction to the problem you see in their behavior. We cannot change them, so wishing for them to change is a false perception. An effective communicator knows how to separate the person from the issue, and be soft on the person and firm on the issue. It's all about using words to communicate effectively without causing the other person to become defensive. 4. Change your behavior. The first rule in the face of an unreasonable person is to maintain your composure; the less reactive you are, the more you can use your better judgment to handle the situation. When you feel angry or upset with someone, before you say something you might later regret, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. In most circumstances, by the time you reach ten, you would have figured out a better way of communicating the issue, so that you can reduce, instead of escalate the problem. If you're still upset after counting to ten, take a time out if possible, and revisit the issue after you calm down. Change the way you deal with people and they will need to learn new ways to deal with you. Be well today and take care of yourself. God bless you. God Never Loses Sight of You Deuteronomy 31:8 “… It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
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AuthorI am a wife, mother, and grandmother. Late in life I decided to go back to school to become a professional counselor. I have achieved that dream, and am open for business. Archives
August 2019
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