Whether or not you are familiar with the term ‘holding space’ it is something that we have all done for somebody at one time or another. Holding space is the act of being lovingly, attentively present for another person, without judgment. It is that simple.
There is a class I facilitate on positive attitude called the Fish Philosophies. One of the philosophies to live by is to “Be There.” Being there is exactly what holding space is all about. I don’t know what I need…. you don’t know what I need….it’s being needy and having someone who cares without hesitation. It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, or trying to fix them. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of all assumptions and perceptions. When a loved one is suffering from grief or illness, for example, our instinct is to help and to try, in any way we are able, to ease their burden. If we believe that we are unable to improve their situation we can feel powerless. It isn’t easy because we have a human tendency to want to “fix things.” Sometimes we will verbalize, “I wish there was something I could do”; when you are doing the exact thing that is needed. Being there. Of course nobody can remove grief, for instance, but they can be there to listen, to care and to offer unconditional love and support. In other matters of the heart and in personal growth and transformation, offering advice may be too overwhelming. In the act of holding space you are paying attention to the needs of another….what do they need? It could be that the person needs to be alone. We have to be prepared to step to the side so that they can make their own choices, offer them unconditional love and support, give gentle guidance when it’s needed, and make them feel safe even when they make mistakes. Allowing them to do this in full confidence as you remain available to them when they feel ready to reach out; it is a beautiful gift. Holding space is also about prayer. Praying for someone who is in the depth of loss, when they feel God is far away or is not listening to their prayers. Holding space is standing in the gap for your friend when they feel too weak to go on. I am grateful for every person in my life who has held space for me; and I continue to hold space for those in my life who are going through horrible trials. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
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AuthorI am a wife, mother, and grandmother. Late in life I decided to go back to school to become a professional counselor. I have achieved that dream, and am open for business. Archives
August 2019
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