I love communication; therefore, I LOVE words. Over the years I have heard hundreds of clichés, rhetoric, catch phrases and jargon, and once in a while something will really pique my interest, as in the phrase, “it is what it is”. I just heard it again today. I don’t like it. It just feels like that phrase is everywhere. Whether it be sports, politics, business or just everyday life, "it is what it is" seems to be the go-to saying to describe any situation that you don't want to change. Here's the problem with “it is what it is”: it abandons responsibility, shuts down creative problem solving, and many times concedes defeat. A person who uses the expression is a person who faced a challenge, failed to overcome it, and explained away the episode as an inevitable, unavoidable force of circumstances. Replace “it is what it is” with "this resulted because I failed to do [insert]" and you get an entirely different discussion. The problem is that people are using "it is what it is" as a catch-all to avoid being proactive. It's easier to say a catch phrase than it is to solve a problem. However, there are many circumstances where using "it is what it is" is completely appropriate. There's a brutal truth in life that some people refuse to accept: you have NO control over many of the things that happen in your life. Weather, accidents, the past, human nature, tax rates and another person's beliefs or thoughts are all situations that are completely out of our control and no sort of brainstorming session is going to solve them! "It is what it is"! Think of all of the events or situations in your life that concern you. Now imagine collecting all of these concerns into one big circle called the Circle of Concern. Everything inside the circle is of concern to you, and everything outside of the circle is of no concern to you. The problem with this circle is that many of the things you are concerned about are outside of your control. The main point of the Circle of Concern is to help you focus your thoughts and your actions on things you can control or influence. As a result, you will feel more empowered, more positive, and more confident about the events in your life. And entertain less stressful and anxious thoughts. You can only really change yourself; how YOU think, feel and respond to others. Let all those events you have NO control over, GO. In those cases, "it is what it is" is helpful in accepting the things you cannot control. There are times when “it is what it is” is hurtful and dismissive of one’s feelings. The message received is “it’s not going to change, so get over it already. Stop whining. Stop complaining. Shut up and deal with it.” Even if there is truth in those statements, your timing of delivery may be off. People need time to accept life’s circumstances. They need to know you care that they are hurting. We all need to complain from time to time about major disasters as well as minor disappointments. You might be perceived as uncaring and uninvolved if you respond with, “it is what it is.” It's time to let go of “it is what it is”. It says, "I can't," when achievement demands that we instead ask, "how can I?" The difference will be pivotal. There are times when “it is what it is” leads you to believe that there’s nothing you can do about a situation, when, indeed, action might be both possible and desirable. The message suggests that things are what they are. Accept it. Don’t expect things to be any different. That’s life. "It sucks, but I'm not going to do anything about it". Usually preceded or followed by, "forget it", "I don't even care", or "whatever". “One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you cannot change.” IT IS what you accept.
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AuthorI am a wife, mother, and grandmother. Late in life I decided to go back to school to become a professional counselor. I have achieved that dream, and am open for business. Archives
August 2019
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